Off late there has been too much negativity in my life. From too many quarters. The part where I am so uncertain about what I want to do. The part where I am not working hard enough to do what is expected of me. The part where I am wasting too much time. And I thought what exactly is going wrong. Because I am NOT this person I am trying so hard to be. I am not the person who counts the number of hours spent on a nice meal with friends. I don’t feel guilty after sleeping and waking up feeling fresh. I have never met people I ‘should’ be meeting trying to strike a good, impressive conversation. I have never gone for days without listening to music or reading a book. I have never missed home so hard.
My only aim to write this post is to remind myself what is to become of me if I continued the same way. Yes, I am afraid of the implications. As much as I enjoy the entire growing up phase at the end of which I am supposed to be emerging as a professional trying to solve some problem in the world, I am afraid I am not getting approved by myself.
Change is constant. And happiness is not. You have a goal, you work your heart and soul out for it and you achieve it. The feeling is exhilarating! Well guess what? It doesn’t last that long! You soon realize that there is something else you want and that starts to take your mind and energy and before you know it, you are consumed by the whole idea of ‘What IF?’ But that way, you would just never stop. Is that all there is to life? Trying to pursue one achievement after the other. Moreover, an achievement that is approved by the people around you. How long would you lead your life just planning for the future?
I don’t want to be reminded how important it is for me to know what I want from life. I can lead my life letting it unfold without so many conditions. Always have. Some of the best things happened to me when I didn’t plan for them. And that is how I want it to be. Faith is all I have and I am afraid I might be losing it if I continued the same way. If there be one thing I pray for tonight from the heavens above, is give me faith. Faith in myself, in life, the surprises and the simple joys.
(Source: Flickr / fundone)